Tag Archives: chuck norris

Specific Topic Not So Much

This week left me with nothing to write up as a story for your enjoyment.  Although the voices in my head said a few things this week that I can share with you.  The topics do not have enough meat to write a full story.  Actually, I have a certain amount of writing talent that would enable me to stretch these thoughts to a full page each, but I wouldn’t do that to you.  I have done the stretch-writing thing to many teachers along the way.  But never to you.

Do not check if your zipper is down if your hands are still wet from washing them.  Dry your hands first.

Chuck Norris can play diagonally in Word-With-Friends.

Do not attempt to pass someone who is texting, smoking, drinking a coffee, and driving a stick shift.  Use even more caution when you see that their right arm is in a cast.

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Toenail Mystery

Why do we still have toenails?

What purpose do toenails serve for humans in this modern day and age?  I can assume that a long time ago, they may have come in handy when climbing trees.  Perhaps they were needed to reduce the amount of time it would take to bolt up a tree when being chased by a bear.

Today’s toenails don’t do anything other than grow.  They don’t help you walk.  They don’t provide the body any required byproduct or nutrients.  They won’t add positively to your physical image no matter how nicely trimmed.  “That guy over there is acting so annoying, but he has good-looking toenails so I think I’ll ask him out”, said no one ever.  Toenails can only detract from your image.  “Hey, that woman over there is smoking hot.  I think she is looking at me.  I was right, she is walking this way.  Whoa, check out her nasty toenails!” as he makes a break for the door.  Another beautiful relationship crashed and burned before it even started.

Toenails simply exist only to be cut.

Hey, here is a thought:  when I cut my toenails I like to put my foot up on the bathroom sink—I’m a tall guy so I can do that.  I stretch my leg up there, the clipping go down the drain, and life is good for me.  Perhaps the toenail’s function is to ensure that people get a good hamstring stretch about once a month.  That can’t be it, since that would only explain tall people’s toenails.

I understand the benefits of finger nails.  They help you open things.  They get rid of itches.  They can find the seemingly invisible end of the scotch tape.  They help remove boogers.  Try any of those with your toenails.  Not so easy when compared to your fingernails.  I suppose that you can try to remove someone else’s boogers with your toenails, but who is going to sign up for that experiment?

Have you ever cut you big toenail too short?  Over the next hand full of days the skin in front of where your toenail once was fills in and then the subsequent growth of the toenail has to plow through it.  Man that hurts.  I did that once and I ended up walking with a limp.  People would ask what happened and I would have to tell them the manly story of how I cut my toenail too short.  Since that tale was such a wimpy story I found myself making up a total lie in order to cover the toenail cutting injury explanation.  “Yeah, I was in a bar room fight and I kicked this guy in the head with a wild Chuck Norris roundhouse flying kick.  Jammed my big toe in the process.  He dropped like a rock.”

Since toenails serve no purpose what so ever, detract from your image, and cause hours of your life to be wasted due to the cutting process, I say that all ten toenails should be removed from newborn babies.  If a baby was coherent enough to understand the scenario and was able to speak, how do you think that they would answer this question:  Would you rather have one single circumcision or would you rather have all ten of your toenails ripped out?  I’ll bet option number two would be the most popular.

Easily.

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