Food Construction

The loss of Hostess is a sad thing.  I cried a little.  But I’m not going to talk about the jobs and the economy.  No, the true loss is the sunset falling over the Twinkies and the HoHos.  It’s a sad thing to think about my world with a little less crappy food choices.  I have a theory that the true reason that the company is failing is because they actually lost their recipes in the 1960’s, but they had enough stock to carry them through to 2012.  And since the Twinkie has a shelf life of three to four thousand years, it took this long for the stock pile to deplete.  I think the Mayan’s were correct when they predicted the upcoming catastrophic event in December of 2012—but it’s not the end of the world—it was the end of Hostess.

“I’ve been working on this whole calendar thing, and since I am predicting the end of a long run of really yummy snack foods near the end of 2012, I just don’t have it in me to keep working on this calendar.  Too depressing.  Screw it, I quit.”

I hope you read that last paragraph with a Mayan accent.

The reason these snacks gained so much popularity was the construction—Twinkie spongy goodness surrounding the creamy filling.  A perfect package.  It requires only two fingers to eat which makes cleanup only a few lick task.  It’s even simpler than a Charms blow-pop which requires the typical owl three full licks.  And the HoHos are even better.  A chocolaty outer cover which provides even more finger protection.  It’s all in the construction.

The original Oreo design was one cookie surrounded by two white creamy disks of yum.  A complete failure.  The packaging alone was a nightmare—one snack unit sticking to the next.  They had to implement individually wrapped cookies in order to make the sale.  Eventually they got wise and constructed the cookie-filling-cookie approach and sales have never been the same.  Still, you’ll find the die-hard Oreo lover tearing them apart and telling tales of the reverse Oreo from long ago.

You can’t tell me that the success of the “chocolate covered cherry” isn’t due to the order of construction.  Reverse the process and serve up some “cherry covered chocolates” and you’ll have a long line of people attempting to get a refund.  Each of them with ten sticky fingers attempting to retrieve their receipts from their pockets.

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17 responses to “Food Construction

  1. We have Oreos in the UK now, but I’ve no idea what a twinky looks or tastes like!

  2. You’re right, the order makes all the difference. Now I’m hungry.

  3. I always thought that Twinkies were inferior to Zingers. Somewhat bland in comparison. And the chocolate wax on Ding Dongs kept me from eating more than 3 or 4 of them in my life. Now, if they stopped making Reese’s peanut butter cups, THAT is when I’d shed a tear! But I agree with you, the order of construction definitely makes all the difference! ~Vicki

  4. I believe Suzie-Q’s are a Hostess product, as well. Sorry! :( ~Vicki

  5. The loss of toxic tasty goodness is a true tragedy….I weep in futility

  6. I just couldn’t muster a tear for their loss…. I tried… squeezed my eyes tight in that pained want to cry way….Nope nothing happened…..And I can cry at a tissue commercial! lol

  7. My mother was lamenting the loss of Home Pride Wheat Bread (Hostess product). I say good riddance to wheat bread, and now is the time to buy stock in Little Debbie. You are on to something with your construction theory. Tacos are only a salad if not constructed properly.

  8. Oreo should sell containers of just the filling. Forget the silly, hard, brown (doesn’t really taste like chocolate) cookie. lol

  9. Love the “lost recipe in the 60s” theory. I think you nailed it.

  10. Really interesting mix of facts and your jokes. As for me I like the oreo cookie part more than the filling for the filling doesn’t taste anything but plain sugar, not even a hint of vanilla, so good thing they made this new construction. How about Hershey kisses? Where did they get the idea that poop shape like kisses? Yet we all fell for it.

Thoughts? Go.

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