End Road Work

When you approach the end of a construction zone, you will often see a sign that reads ‘End Road Work’.  I know this because the road just outside of my development has been under construction for about a year now.  So when I pull into my neighborhood every day, I am greeted with the happy news that the construction zone has ended.  My remaining journey to my house will now be unobstructed.  I will not be hindered further by those dented orange barrels.  You do realize that a different person’s car hit each and every one of those.

The ‘Road Work Ahead’ sign—sure, I understand its value.  Slow down, there are people working ahead.  It helps reduce potential injuries.  There is nothing worse than scraping a road worker off of your bumper.  It’s time consuming and very messy.  Your finger nails won’t be the same for weeks.  (Hey geese lovers, how’d you like that one?)

However the ‘End Road Work’ sign is not very informative.  Who is this sign for?  I would have noticed that the street was suddenly easier to navigate with or without the appearance of this sign.  Who leaves an area of road work and thinks, “I wonder if that was the end of the construction.  I don’t feel any more potholes.  No, it can’t be over.  I’ll bet they come back here after lunch and start jack-hammering and throwing asphalt at my car.  Those sneaky little road workers can’t fool me!”

Maybe the useless sign comes from a very slick sales person.  “What your outfit needs is signs at the end of your construction zone that will let people know where the construction zone ends.  No more confused drivers.  You’ll need one of these gems for every side street leaving the road that you’re working on.  I used to be in the ‘State Prison, Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers’ sign business, so you can trust that I know what I’m speaking about.  Today is your lucky day because I am selling signs that simply say ‘End Road Work’.  You compare the cost of my signs to those over priced signs that read ‘End Of The Road Work’ and your savings are obvious.  Those five extra letters really add to the overall price.  I’ll put you down for fifty signs.  Sign right here.”

Perhaps the sign is for the workers themselves.  Can you image getting a knock on your front door and hearing something like, “Excuse me.  I was paving your street this afternoon and I didn’t know that I was finished.  I accidentally paved your front yard.  Sorry about your grass, mailbox, and your flower beds.  I really could have used a sign to tell me that I ventured outside of the construction zone.  But hey, the asphalt makes your house look bigger.  And, uh, now your friends can all park closer to your front door.  Do you want me to paint some parking spots?”

I was at the dentist the other day.  After he finished cleaning my teeth, he stuck that cool little spinning tooth-brush straight up my nose.  After I was done screaming he apologized and explained that there was no sign declaring ‘End Mouth Work’.  Without it, he had no reason to believe that there wouldn’t be more teeth nearby that needed cleaning.  I understand.  Without a sign, things can get real confusing.  Next time I’m going to make a tiny little ‘End Mouth Work” sign and plant it on the end of my nose.

<Sales Pitch Ahead>  Buy my books.  <End Sale Pitch>.

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11 responses to “End Road Work

  1. Cracking up over the last paragraph. Very funny.

  2. The example of the dentist is truly illuminating! :D

  3. I was having trouble accessing your blog to read this post from my post. Either your blog or my phone is under construction. :-)

  4. I travelled a lot in France. Your sign guy must work there too. Almost every town has an End Town sign…. Just in case disoriented travellers fail to realise they’ve reached the end of suburbia.

  5. I’m holding out for some “End Stupidity Zone” signs.

  6. End Mouth Work…you crack me up. ;) Glad my post was somewhat inspirational. Yours is great. :D

  7. Somewhere, somebody thought that distracting drivers with useless signs was the best safety feature of the century. One of my favourites is this photo that was highlighted on Top Gear years ago: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7GF2kkMcTKc/STBIrubuwDI/AAAAAAAAWlI/BU2lu4eOlgk/s400/SignNotInUse100110.jpg

Thoughts? Go.

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