Attention Please

The person working the front desk at my work place has access to the intercom system.  The intercom system has speakers scattered everywhere throughout this building.  There is no way to miss an important message.  Often you will hear announcements such as “Mike Jones, please call the operator” or “Shirley Smith, please call extension 321”.  This concept is nothing new—a service appreciated by people trying to reach others who are away from their desk phones.

Sometimes you’ll get to hear, “There is a storm rapidly approaching.  If your car windows are down, you still have time to roll them up.”  This is very helpful for those park-and-crack-your-window type of people.  Thanks operator person!  You’re the best.

“A silver Ford Taurus parked on the East side of the building has its lights left on.”  Again, thank you oh master of the microphone.

And then there are the days of announcement abuse.  There’s one particular operator at this office that is a little too microphone crazy.  An example of this happens every Friday.  My company makes real popcorn with one of those fancy popcorn cart machines every Fridays.  The whole building smells like a movie theater.  Buttery smells fill the corridors and infiltrates every single office.  Typically about five minutes after the scent has fully surrounded my sense of smell, the operator will announce, “Popcorn is now available in the kitchen.”  Really?  Was that necessary?  I suppose that it helped clear up that the smell is actually coming from the popcorn and not some bizarre acid rain accident from the butter factory across town.  Thanks microphone man!  Way to keep us in the loop.

A couple of days ago an operator was apparently feeling informative, and yet lazy.  She simply announced, “It is about to begin sprinkling.”  She didn’t mention the car windows this time.  I was actually walking toward the bathroom when this announcement was made.  I stopped in my tracks.  Did she say “sprinkling” or “tinkling”?  Am I being watched?  I immediately decided to hold it.  I’ll visit the bathroom in a bit.  Very troubling.  Stop tracking me microphone woman!  Where’s the camera?

Later, I swore that I heard her say, “Attention please.  Bob sprinkled on the toilet seat again.”

Attention please. Buy my books.

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18 responses to “Attention Please

  1. Well, Bob probably did.

  2. Yeah, right. Get your tongue out of your cheek. My kid is 25 and still can’t aim straight. Probably texting at the same time. Yeah, that’s it. Bob was in there texting.

  3. LOL I bet Bob does all the time. Tell her to announce it when he doesn’t :)

  4. Popcorn? Man, your building is cool. Mine has a ban on popcorn. Employees complain about the smell and there were one too many times where the bag caught on fire in the micro. So, no popcorn for us.

    • I think the ban is in order if they are cooking it until it bursts into flames. Directions: unfold bag and place in the center of the microwave. cook until flames erupt. wait until cool before serving the remaining embers.

  5. Very funny story. You should expand it into a novel. :D

  6. . . . or a short story . . . :D

  7. I think I’d be able to put up with the annoying announcements for popcorn every Friday. I work in a school and my favorite is when they try to make an announcement while everyone is in the halls. It sounds like a Charlie Brown teacher talking. You should need a license to work a microphone.

  8. That was hilarious, a fine sprinkling of humour! :D

  9. I might be willing to forgive the intercom Big Brother if I knew there was butter popcorn involved…

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it. Always good to have another Ohioan touch down there. :)

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